Beauty and queerness

Feeling "pretty" is completely new to me. I was always a NEGRO FEO (black, ugly) and I always thought I was particularly ugly. I wasn't. I was normal, I just had darker skin that most people in a culture that values whiteness. I only realized that in my early 40s.

At the same time, I feel every day more convinced that there isn't a total ordering from the most desirable to the least. Yes, there are a lot of people that most would consider attractive and a lot that most would consider unattractive, but the middle ground is huge and it's really chaotic.

Over the last couple of years, I have become less attractive to gay men as most of them admire masculinity. I have become less attractive to straight women for the same reason.

But to my niche, to the queer bisexual people, OMG I'm fire :-)

I feel powerful, seen, attractive in queer spaces, and that's a completely new experience to me. I have embraced it. I don't care that conventional people don't like my look. I don't dress up or put my make up for them.

I do it for me, and for my people.